Black and White
by Sailor Panda
Summary: Broken hearts can be painful but healing them can be sweet, a lesson that Hatsuharu comes to learn with a little help from Tohru.
1. Chance Meetings

Just a warning to readers that this will contain some spoilers for the manga version of Fruits Basket to those who have only seen the anime.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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BLACK AND WHITE  
  
Chapter 1: Chance Meetings  
  
  
  
  
  
Arms wrapped around drawn up knees encased in black leather, he leaned back against the rough bark of the tree that sheltered him beneath its shade and stared out at the bounty of nature's gifts that were surrounding him. The vitality of a warm and fruitful spring was visible everywhere in the lush green woodland setting from the nurturing rays of the sun shining down from overhead to the liveliness of all below the clear blue sky of the heavens. The high-pitched chirping of birds, the chattering of squirrels and chipmunks as they flitted back and forth overhead among the trees, the lazy buzzing of insects, all were sounds that echoed around him, as if trying to remind him that this was the season for rejoicing in the celebration of life. However, all of it came to him as if from a long distance, the lively sounds no more than a vague buzzing in his ears. None of it could breach the empty void of numbness that had settled in his mind, in his heart, shielding him from anything deemed unnecessary to his present state that wanted only to be left alone in isolation.  
  
"Hatsuharu-san?"  
  
The sweet toned voice had him looking up into the concerned face of his schoolmate, Honda Tohru, who was kneeling beside him in the grass. Coming out of his numbness for a moment, he blinked and looked around as awareness of his location sank into him. In his vacant state of mind, he'd let himself wander about aimlessly, uncaring as to his destination, letting his body go as it willed wherever it wanted. Apparently, in his stupor he had gravitated and settled down near the path to Shigure's. Ironic, he thought darkly, since the place that had once brought him such comfort when he was in emotional distress was now the one that pained him and wanted most desperately to avoid. It was a truly stupid thing to do, his mind whispered, that could only be worthy of someone born under the sign of the cow that was so often ridiculed.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
He found himself gazing into moist brown eyes, the sheen of deep concern within them hard to miss. His mouth parted to speak, to reassure and get her to go away and leave him alone again, but no sound came out, only a long drawn-out sigh that echoed the bone-deep weariness permeating his body. He could see that it only made those gentle eyes darken even more in worry. A distant part of him knew that he shouldn't be causing her problems like this when she wasn't involved in the situation in anyway. He should see to it that he didn't burden her with his troubles, do something reassuring to relieve her mind that he was alright. It's what he should do, he knew, but he just couldn't muster up enough strength to put forth that kind of effort.  
  
"Hatsuharu-san?" Tohru's worried tone of voice came again, concerned over his lack of reaction and not knowing what to do if she couldn't get him to respond. "Maybe I should get some help. That's right, that's what I should do. Hatsuharu-san," she said anxiously, "please wait here and I'll come back with someone from the house. Perhaps Yuki-kun or Shigure-san."  
  
This time he did respond as she rose, making motions to leave and head back to Shigure's house in order to find someone who she thought could help. But her well-intentioned actions were forestalled as a hand shot out with lightning quick speed and grabbed one of her own in a tight grip, refusing to let her leave.  
  
"No!"  
  
That one forceful word, plus the physical hold on her, spoke clearly to her of his determination to bar her from bringing anyone else into this situation, whatever it might be. Troubled, Tohru stared down at his bent head as she pondered what to do. He was obviously going through a great amount of inner turmoil and she didn't want to add to it by introducing anyone else into these circumstances if he was so strongly against it. But if she couldn't ask for someone else's help in dealing with this, she also couldn't just leave him alone and go about her routine as if nothing was wrong, not without knowing what was bothering him. She wanted to do whatever was in her power to aid him and, to her, that meant she couldn't abandon him to deal with this himself if he wouldn't allow her to fetch anyone else he'd rather have assist him.  
  
"It's okay," she said softly. "If Hatsuharu-san truly doesn't want me to get someone else, then I won't."  
  
"Thank you," came his low voice as he released her hand, resuming his position prior to her entrance upon the scene.  
  
Tohru smiled a little, happy to have gotten more than one syllable from him this time even though her concern hadn't lessened. It wasn't much, and probably far from having him tell her what was on his mind, but it was a lot better than having him remain completely silent. At least this way, there was a chance that he would gradually open up a little more, even though it may only be in small increments. Grass rustled as she sank down beside him, taking up a seated position as she, too, leaned back against the tree and waited patiently. She knew from experience how terrible it was to be alone during emotionally traumatic times and, if the only thing she could offer him was the comfort of her silent presence, then she would.  
  
He gradually became aware of her company, drawn out of the stupor he'd sunken back into upon her agreement, as the knowledge that she wasn't going to leave seeped into his consciousness. Chin resting atop drawn up knees, he slowly turned his head to look at her. She had her eyes closed and, like him, had her back resting against the bark of the tree, presenting a picture of peaceful serenity, looking as if she had all the time in the world to wait with him whether it be days, weeks, or even years that happened to pass by in this spot. A completely idyllic illusion, he knew, especially for her since he was well aware of how many duties and responsibilities rested on her shoulders and the people expecting her warm presence. There was too much waiting for her to do for her to be wasting her precious time with someone as worthless as him.  
  
"Don't you have better things to do?"  
  
Hatsuharu winced when the words came out harsher than he'd intended them to, latent with barely leashed rage he hadn't realized was lying so close beneath the surface of his control. It was strange, he thought vaguely, how he'd thought that he was feeling numb only to have fury and pain batting against the internal shield of emotional distance he'd assumed he'd successfully erected. Even in that he was a failure to be feeling such dark emotions when he'd been trying to keep them at bay only to have them leaking out and lashing at someone who had nothing whatsoever to do with it. She didn't deserve the brunt of his anger, not when she was simply being herself, just trying to help someone she thought needed it. Even if there was nothing she could do.  
  
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you," he told her.  
  
"There's no need for Hatsuharu-san to apologize," Tohru replied, shaking her head lightly.  
  
"Yes, there is."  
  
"No, there isn't."  
  
"Yes, there-"  
  
He broke off his own words, rubbing a hand over his face when he recognized the new depths of childish stupidity he was about to descend into with the silly little argument he'd somehow been drawn into. Shoulders heaving as he gave a tired sigh, he looked back over to see her gazing back at him in stalwart determination, obviously prepared to protest to her last breath if he tried to push the topic of his need to apologize any further. A small part of himself that was able to find the humor in any situation, despite being buried in the cloud of darkness and depression his mind currently dwelled in, peeked through as a corner of his lips quirked upwards, torn between amusement and slight annoyance. But even that tiny sign of humor fell flat, turning into a frown, when his eyes landed on the circle of red ringing her wrist.  
  
"I'm sorry," he said softly.  
  
"It's not necessary to-"  
  
"No," he cut her off. "Not for that. For that." He made a gesture towards her wrist. "I shouldn't have grabbed you so roughly. Or so hard."  
  
"Oh!" she exclaimed, staring down at her wrist as if she'd never seen it before.  
  
"It'll turn purple by tomorrow. My fault again."  
  
His tone was regretful as he inwardly berated himself once more for his stupidity and inability to control himself. He sank into an even deeper depression at this further proof of his deficiencies served to enforce how inadequate he was in dealing with other people. Even when he wasn't Black Haru, his more violent counterpart, he still couldn't do anything right. Neither side was any good and both of them together just doubled the worthlessness of the entire package. Echoes of voices from the past whispered across his mind, telling him how useless he was, how stupid, how unnecessary. All true, he thought to himself as the faceless words in his mind continued to wash over him one after another, bathing him in his inadequacies in repeated rushes.  
  
"That's not true!"  
  
Hatsuharu blinked, the exclamation shaking him out of his induced trance. He'd forgotten she was there when his mind had wandered off again. He focused on her form, canted towards him as she gazed at him earnestly. He looked at her in confusion, having lost the last thread their conversation had ended on before he'd withdrawn into his own thoughts.  
  
"What's not true?"  
  
"This," she said holding out her wrist, "isn't Hatsuharu-san's fault."  
  
"Ah," he went, as it all came back to him. "How can it possibly not be my fault?"  
  
"Because it's my fault."  
  
"Huh?" He stared back at her blankly.  
  
"The bruise is because of me."  
  
His stare remained blank.  
  
"Ah," she stalled, hands fluttering nervously as she tried to find a better way to explain. "Well, my body bruises easily. Even if I bump into something, no matter how lightly, my skin still gets marked. And even when my wrist was taken, it didn't hurt at all. Besides, it wouldn't have been grabbed if I had waited to get Hatsuharu's permission first before trying to get someone to help. That's right," she said, nodding decisively. "So if it bruises, it's not Hatsuharu-san's fault. It's mine, isn't it? That's why Hatsuharu-san doesn't have to apologize."  
  
She smiled at him brightly, apparently quite satisfied with her logic. Deep down inside, Hatsuharu just knew that there was something wrong with it but, at the moment, his normally agile mind felt too exhausted to pursue the matter, knowing that she'd try to find a way to tackle any argument he might make and he simply wasn't up to the task. One good thing, he vaguely noted, was that any rage he previously held seemed to have subsided, washed away in his confusion and weariness.  
  
"I see," was all he said, giving up on the matter.  
  
Minutes continued to pass on by and she seemed to settle herself patiently to wait once again, hand folded quietly in her lap, showing no signs of going anywhere. He suddenly recalled the issue he'd raised earlier before he'd gotten so badly sidetracked and immediately addressed her with it.  
  
"Don't you have better things to do than waste your time staying here with me?"  
  
"No." She calmly shook her head, loose tendrils of brown hair sliding off her shoulders with the motion. "Right now, being with Hatsuharu-san is the most important thing. That's what I think." She gave him a little smile. "It's not a waste at all."  
  
He was silent for a moment in his surprise. "Why?" he managed to say. "I know you've got other things to do."  
  
"Yes," she agreed with a slight nod. "But Mother always said that things aren't as important as people. Although I may be presuming too much in saying so, I feel that staying here is the best thing for me to do." She looked down at her hands, a frown furrowing her brow. "After all Hatsuharu- san has done to help, I want to be able to do something in return. Even if it may not be much."  
  
"I haven't done anything," he denied.  
  
"Hatsuharu-san has done a lot!" she exclaimed, looking serious. "Hatsuharu- san is always worrying about others, I know. Yuki-kun, Kyou-kun, Kisa-san, too. And Hatsuharu-san has helped me understand them better when I'm not sure what to do. And I'm sure there's much more Hatsuharu-san has done that I don't know. Although I don't have any solid proof," she said absently, as if speaking aloud to herself, "but I'm sure of it. Especially when Yuki-kun seems troubled sometimes and doesn't seem able to tell me anything. But then he comes back after talking with Hatsuharu-san and everything is better again."  
  
"Honda-san is making too much of me," he said quietly. "I don't deserve such high praise."  
  
He didn't think he was worthy of anyone's high regard. But all the same, he did feel a little happier with the knowledge that there was at least one person in the world who thought of him so well. Even if the praise came from a person who held everyone in high-esteem. But he was also a bit surprised that she seemed to have picked up on some of the things he had done since she had never struck him as being that observant and he'd done his best to keep a low profile in such matters. Nonetheless, it was nice to know that there was someone who had an awareness of what he was about and so obviously appreciated it. In a way, the praise meant even more coming from one of the last people he'd ever expected it to come from, someone he didn't think had noticed. Still, those were little things that she mentioned and in no way came even close to making up for his inadequacies in the other areas in his life.  
  
"Hatsuharu-san shouldn't underestimate himself."  
  
He found that she was gazing at him solemnly, the set of her features plainly revealing that she was utterly convinced in the validity of her words. Though he felt like refuting the statement, certain she was overestimating him, he couldn't help but wonder why it was she was so sure of his worth.  
  
"What makes you think so?" he asked.  
  
"Because Hatsuharu-san is one of the kindest people I know. Always worrying so much about other people, trying to help them as much as possible, even though it may not seem like anything special at first. I often think that Hatsuharu-san keeps how much he does for others almost a secret, although I'm not sure why." She tilted her head in consideration. "But it doesn't change the fact that many people really are helped by Hatsuharu-san."  
  
He shifted, a little uncomfortable at her words. "I haven't done as much as you think."  
  
"Hatsuharu-san doesn't have to be so modest because I'm only telling the truth." She was practically vibrating with the intensity of her emotions. "Even I've been helped a lot even though I didn't deserve it because I was weak to be so afraid. Still, Hatsuharu-san put my mind at ease even though he didn't have to do anything. I'm really grateful."  
  
She seemed to be referring to something specific that she had in mind, her eyes unfocused as if recalling a distant memory, but he didn't have a clue as to what it was. Made mildly curious as to what event could have inspired such gratitude, he had to ask, "When did I help you?"  
  
"At the haunted house, of course," she replied, looking surprised that he even had to ask. Then she turned serious, as if about to impart some great secret. Even her voice became more hushed as she continued, "Hatsuharu-san may not remember, but I was really very frightened."  
  
He cleared his throat, squelching the sudden urge to laugh. "Mmm," he said noncommittally.  
  
"Yes," she said sadly. "Even when I tried walking with my eyes closed, it didn't help."  
  
He swallowed hard, trying to keep his face as impassive as possible.  
  
"But then," she said in a cheery voice, "Hatsuharu-san told such a wonderful story and I wasn't afraid anymore. It truly helped me very much. Although Yuki-kun and Kyou-kun seemed depressed by it. I wonder why." She puzzled over it a bit before brightening. "But Momiji-kun and I thought it was beautiful. The curator who worked there did, too! So it's obvious that Hatsuharu-san made many people very happy." She smiled as she added, "Even the two dolls Hatsuharu-san told such a great story about are together now and I'm sure their spirits are very happy and grateful, too!"  
  
Just in time, he turned the laugh into a cough. Unfortunately, that had him the focus of a very worried girl who began fussing over him and kept asking him anxiously if he was alright, whether she really should get help this time because she was worried about him suddenly getting mysteriously sick when the weather was so nice, all of it which only served to make the so-called coughing even worse. He eventually subsided, easing the mind of his companion, and felt better than he had for what seemed to him like a very long while. Aware of that concerned feminine gaze trained upon him, he sent her a small smile.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"Eh?!" Her eyes widened in confusion. "For what? I didn't do anything." She bit her lip worriedly. "Except maybe make Hatsuharu-san sick somehow."  
  
The urge to cough or laugh rose up again but he managed to suppress it. No matter how amusing it might be, he didn't really want a repeat. Nor did he want to make her any more anxious than she already was. He looked at her with all the reassurance he could muster in order to put her fears at rest.  
  
"Honda-san didn't make me sick," he told her, still feeling faintly amused.  
  
"Really?" she asked uncertainly, hope warring with doubt across her features.  
  
"Yes, really," he affirmed  
  
"Oh, that's good," she sighed in relief. But then she looked at him in puzzlement. "But then why did Hatsuharu-san cough so much?" Anxiety returned to her gaze. "If it's an illness, we should call Hatori-san right away."  
  
"It's not an illness either."  
  
"Then what was it?"  
  
"Ah." He wondered what to say. "It wasn't coughing." Well, that was a start, but then what was it? "I just had a sudden tickle at the back of my throat and was trying to clear it." Which wasn't really a lie, not much of one anyway.  
  
"Is that so?"  
  
She still appeared slightly unconvinced so he schooled his expression into as much calmness and certainty as he could when he nodded. To his relief, her lips curved upwards, sure sign that she'd decided to believe his words.  
  
"Thanks goodness!" she exclaimed. "I don't know what I would have done if Hatsuharu-san had suddenly become sick."  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
He said it with a faint smile, for a moment feeling that he was until the humor of the situation subsided as the reason he'd been found in that spot in the first place returned to him, the emotions washing over him making a lie of his former statement. The lightheartedness he'd so recently experienced made the darkness attached to his earlier thoughts seem even blacker and more painful in contrast as the lines of his face fell into depression in such a way that his companion couldn't help but notice. The worried frown returned to her lips as she glanced at the top of his head, bent in a melancholic manner, and wondered anxiously if there was anything she could say. He'd seemed a little more energetic for a while before slumping back into the mood he'd been in when she'd first stumbled upon him and she pondered what to do now. He wouldn't let her get someone else, she couldn't leave him alone, and she couldn't sit silently here with him forever. Something had to be done, but what?  
  
"Um, Hatsuharu-san?" she asked hesitantly. He showed no reaction but she drew in a steadying breath, a little nervous over prying into something that was none of her business but unable to leave things as they were. "I know it's rude of me to ask, but if it's okay, could Hatsuharu-san please tell me what's wrong?" She wrung her hands anxiously. "It's not because I'm curious, but because I want to help. Although I realize I probably won't be able to do much, I can promise to listen if Hatsuharu-san likes. And Mother used to say that sometimes, even if nothing could be done, just talking about problems and having someone listen can be a big help." Her face softened as he turned his head to look at her. "That's why, if the only thing I can do is to listen, I will. I just want to help, even if it's only a little. And I promise not to tell anyone if Hatsuharu-san says not to," she reassured him.  
  
He continued to look at her, reading her absolute sincerity, and thought about her words as a mix of emotions roiled within him, too many to count. Did he want to open up his shame to someone else? No. But neither did he want to stay in this state of mind. If talking about it would help, it would be worth a try if it would get rid of these feelings. But should it be her that he confessed to? But, if not her, then who? He didn't feel comfortable talking to his parents about this. He didn't want to tell Yuki, not to the one he still looked up to. And he doubted Kyou would be any good in this type of situation. Momiji had a hard time keeping secrets, blurting them out at inappropriate moments sometimes when he got too excited. Ritsu was absolutely out of the question. Hiro and Kisa were too young to burden with such a thing. And in no way did he want to go near any of the trio of Jyunnishi adults who always seemed to stick together. Besides, he didn't want to let another person in onto this, not if it could be helped. That only left her who was already aware that there was something wrong with him.  
  
"Okay," he said, consenting in his own way about telling her.  
  
She understood, adjusting herself a little more so that she was settled directly before him, ready to listen to whatever he had to say. And she continued to wait while the sounds of nature stirred about them while the two of them remained silent as time passed on. Seeing the expression on his face while he seemed to struggle to find the words to begin, she gave him a gentle look, not wanting him to force himself.  
  
"Hatsuharu-san doesn't have to tell me if it's too painful."  
  
Somehow, it was those soft words of kind understanding that sought to release him from the burden of having to force himself to tell that finally unlocked his throat. The words welled up in him, coming out roughly in a husky voice with a will of their own as he continued to gaze off into the distance, remembering and reflecting on events past.  
  
"My girlfriend. We broke up." He let out a sigh. "Rin."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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AN: Yes, another in a long line of unfinished Furuba fics in the making. ~cringes from readers who want chapters of my other fics out first~ Sorry but Haru wanted a foothold in my fic palette first, afraid I'd forget all about him otherwise. LOL Although this one may take longer to be updated since I'm more interested in getting chapters of the other fics I've got going on. Just thought I'd post this up since it's idea I've been kicking around for the past month and have working on off an on in between my other fics so I apologize if the flow is choppy. I'll go back and fix any problems later.  
  
But don't you just love the title? I do. "Black and White" fits both Haru who is the cow (white with black spots) and Tohru whose is often symbolized as an onigiri. For those who don't know (although I don't see how that's possible if you're watching Furuba), an onigiri is a Japanese rice ball, often with stuffing inside and wrapped with a strip of seaweed. Although seaweed is actually really dark green but it's colored black in manga and anime. Oh, well. But "Black and White" also has ambiguous connotations that I love as well and think it'll fit with the direction the story will take too. Okay, enough with my silly mooning over the title. It's just that I have a lot of fun coming up with, almost as much fun as the fic itself. Yes, I know it's silly but I don't care. ;p  
  
Okay, little more explanation of what Tohru means when she says she doesn't have proof of some of Hatsuharu's good deeds. I actually had a specific scene in mind, thinking along the lines of the manga in volume 6, ch. 35 when Tohru's upset with Yuki's behavior and runs into Hatsuharu who sees that she's bothered by something although she doesn't say anything. Then he goes off, leaving behind a confused Tohru, to talk to Yuki and everything seems to settle back down again afterwards. But there are other times when Haru's done something similar in a low-key fashion so take your pick of his behind-the-scenes helpful moments.  
  
All will be explained in due time. Whenever I get around to working on it, that is. Sorry to any Haru/Tohru lovers, if there are any out there. No doubt it's a very rare breed. Guess I'll be lucky if anyone even bothers to read this. Ah, well. Any comments I get on this one will be ecstatically appreciated. (^^) 


	2. Confessions of the Soul

AN: To the person who asked before, and anyone else who may not know, Rin is not a name I picked up from Inuyasha but an actual character of the Fruits Basket series who did not appear in the anime. She's the horse of the Jyunnishi and appears in the manga, which is still running. She did date Hatsuharu and also broke up with him though the reasons behind it are still kind of murky at this point so I'm winging it and making up my own version which is what fanfiction is all about anyway.  
  
Anyway, thanks to everyone who read and commented on this fic. I really appreciate them since, when I started out with this, I wasn't sure anyone would actually read this. In any case, enjoy! (^^)  
  
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CHAPTER 2: Confessions of the Soul  
  
"Isuzu-san!? Hatsuharu-san and Isuzu-san are going out?!"  
  
The sudden and loud exclamation had Hatsuharu lifting his head to find Tohru staring at him in absolute shock, eyes wide and mouth parted in a little 'o' of surprise. He was a bit astonished himself to realize that she didn't know until he remembered that it would be highly unusual if she had. After all, he and Rin had decided early on to keep their relationship hidden from everyone the best they could so that Akito would be less likely to find out and try to put a stop to it in his usual unpleasant way. The only person Hatsuharu had told was Yuki and that was only when he and Rin had broken up the first time and he had needed to tell at least one person what had happened. Of course Yuki would never reveal a secret told in confidentiality to anyone else, so the reason for Tohru's shock over the news was clear. And it was just as obvious that Hatsuharu would have to go back to the very beginning to explain things.  
  
"Were." He blew out a breath and gave her a tiny lopsided smile. "Past tense."  
  
"Ah!" Tohru's eyes widened in horror, thinking she'd made him feel worse with her terrible choice in words. She bowed rapidly in apology. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-"  
  
"No, it's okay," he said calmly to the bowing girl who was looking up at him uncertainly. "Really. It's not your fault you didn't know, so being that surprised is only natural. It's probably a good thing because it means we were successful at keeping it a secret. For the most part."  
  
"It's supposed to be a secret?!" Tohru looked distressed. "If no one's supposed to know, then perhaps I shouldn't be told anymore either."  
  
"It probably doesn't matter so much since we're not together anymore." He gave her a bland look. "And you did promise not to tell anyone if I didn't want you to, didn't you?"  
  
"Of course," she said quickly, nodding her head vigorously. "It's not my secret to tell and Mother always said that the lowest of the low are those that go around blabbing about other people's secrets." She fisted her hands, the appearance of staunch sternness and determination. "So Hatsuharu-san doesn't have to worry! I'll do whatever I can to prove that I can keep this a secret. I'll even write it in blood or tattoo it on my body if I have to, just like Mother used to do. Yes, that's right! Whatever I have to do!"  
  
Blood? Tattoo? Hatsuharu looked at her blankly, wondering what kind of mother it was that she'd had. Part of him was afraid to ask, so he didn't. Instead, sensing the conversation was about to derail again, he drew it back on course.  
  
"That's alright," he told her. "Your word is enough." Besides, Yuki and Kyou would never forgive him if he made her do something like that and would, undoubtedly, try to kill him. Though, picturing their faces if something like that were to actually happen was amusing. But he cleared his throat, serious expression on his face. "I do, however, feel like I should apologize to you again. It seems you're the one who's always getting hurt because of my problems."  
  
"Eh?" Tohru was quite clearly confused.  
  
"Remember a while back when I went into Black mode and wrecked the classroom?" His mouth turned down. "Lucky Kyou was there to stop me before I hurt you anymore than I had."  
  
"Ah." Tohru clearly recalled that day when she had tried to step in somehow and Hatsuharu had grabbed her by her upper arm just before Kyou had knocked him away. Apparently, the matter was still bothering him and she hastened to reassure him. "I was fine. Really. I wasn't hurt at all."  
  
"But you could have been," Hatsuharu pointed out, regret weaving through him. "I was out of control then and anything that might have happened to you would have been my fault. As it was, I bruised your arm and must have scared you." He bowed his head. "I'm sorry."  
  
"Oh, no!" She waved her hands frantically at his action. "Don't apologize, please! There's nothing to be sorry over. Really!" She shook her head. "And I wasn't scared, so don't concern yourself on my account." Her head tilted thoughtfully. "Actually, I was more worried about Hatsuharu-san back then than anyone else."  
  
A corner of his lips tugged upwards. "How very like Honda-san," he said absently, almost to himself. But then his faint smile died. "Even so, I shouldn't have involved anyone else in my problems." He shook his head in remembered frustration. "I was just so angry and upset when we broke up, I lost control. And I shouldn't have."  
  
"Broke up?" Tohru was puzzled again. "Back then?"  
  
"Yeah." Hatsuharu gave a slow nod. "That was the first time. This is the second."  
  
"I see," she said, eyes wide, though she obviously still confused.  
  
Hatsuharu smiled half-heartedly at her. "I can explain if you want to hear it."  
  
Tohru's expression was soft as she nodded. "I said so already that, if Hatsuharu-san doesn't mind, I'd like to listen."  
  
Hatsuharu sighed, tilting his head back to lean against the tree. "Rin and I, we grew up together. It's hard to remember a time when she wasn't there. I think I've always loved her and I thought that she felt the same." His eyes grew distant, remembering. "It seemed natural for the two of us to start going out together and I'm positive the both of us were happy back then. But then Akito found out." His countenance hardened. "And Rin was hospitalized."  
  
Tohru gasped, the sound drawing his attention.  
  
"Don't look so worried," he told her, voice calm and certain. "It was a while ago and she's better now. Full recovery." His expression grew distant again. "But it was right after she was hospitalized that she broke up with me. It was painful." His lips twisted, recalling how he'd felt. "And it was the reason for my classroom rampage that ended up getting you hurt."  
  
Tohru was shaking her head. "I said I wasn't hurt. A little bruise is nothing." She looked at him earnestly, wide-eyed in her determination to make Hatsuharu see, once and for all, that he shouldn't concern himself this much over such a small incident. "I get injured much worse on my own. Sometimes so badly that even Hatori-san has to be called. Like the time I ran into the wall of the stairwell and fell down the steps and Hatori-san came over when Shigure-san called him because I twisted my ankle." She nodded solemnly. "So it's very obvious that Hatsuharu-san didn't do anything as bad as what I do by myself."  
  
"Ah, well." He swallowed, repressing the urge to clear his throat once more. He didn't want her to think that he was getting sick again. "I see," was all he said, a faint smile returning to his lips. Then he frowned, wanting to get back to his explanation only to realize that he'd lost the thread of the conversation again. "Anyway, where was I?"  
  
"Classroom rampage," Tohru offered helpfully.  
  
"Ah, that's right." He blinked. "Well, after that, I did some thinking about why she broke up with me. She told me it was because she didn't want me anymore but, after I had time to calm down, I remembered that she has a habit of saying hurtful things. Especially when she thinks that it's for someone's own good."  
  
Tohru cocked her head to the side. "Then Isuzu-san was trying to protect Hatsuharu-san?"  
  
"Yeah." He nodded. "That's the conclusion I eventually came to. I confronted her about it and we argued." He sighed. "Rin's not really the type to admit her nicer intentions easily. But I've known her a long time and I figured out after thinking so much about it that she broke up with me when she was hospitalized because she was hoping to prevent something similar from happening to me. So she tried to push me away, doing what she thought was best, even though it must have been painful to her."  
  
"Isuzu-san's really a wonderful person then," Tohru commented softly.  
  
"Yeah," he agreed, "she is." Then he closed his eyes. "And I didn't want to lose her. So, despite her protests, I was persistent and kept pursuing her no matter what arguments she brought up. I thought that part of the reason we'd broken up in the first place was because I was so lax in our relationship before so I was determined to do things differently this time, to show her that it wasn't something I'd walk away so easily from. And I kept after her until she gave in. We got back together and," he smiled sadly, "for a while, we were happy again. Or so I thought."  
  
When silence descended fell between them again, as Hatsuharu seemed to settle back into a morose and brooding mood, Tohru shifted nervously as she gazed at his closed profile. The subject was obviously painful to him and she didn't want to press him about the details if he wasn't ready to reveal them. But, just as she was about to reassure him that he needn't continue on, he spoke up.  
  
"She fell in love with someone else."  
  
"Eh?!" Her eyes widened in shock.  
  
Hatsuharu gave a slow nod. "After we broke up the first time, she started spending time with someone else. Because he's older and wiser, supposedly, he would be the one to know if there was any way for us to be together. But while she was searching for that way, she got closer to him." His lips turned down. "She told me that she hadn't meant to fall in love with him, but that it just happened. That, when I went chasing after with my new resolution, her emotions became confused until she thought that it would be best to try and get our relationship back the way it used to be." He gave a short, bitter laugh. "Obviously, it didn't work out like she thought it would." His fists clenched angrily. "But she put up with trying to make a go of our relationship for as long as she could, keeping her meetings with him a secret until she just couldn't take it anymore." He nearly snarled. "Then she told me everything and broke up with me. Again." Rage boiled in him. "And now she's with him!"  
  
Anger bubbled up inside him, a volatile and painful thing craving a release and he might have turned to aim a bone-crushing punch at the tree he was leaning against if he hadn't been so suddenly startled by the soft touch on his bare arm. The contact had his head whirling until he was caught in a gentle wide-eyed gaze of the girl whose presence he had forgotten as his explanation had degenerated into a tirade. Suddenly feeling ashamed, he looked away from her.  
  
"Sorry," he mumbled, running a hand through his hair. "I didn't mean to go off like that."  
  
Amazingly she laughed, the pleasant sound wafting through the forest as he looked back at her in surprise. Her expression was gentle and, from the twinkling of her eyes, it was obvious that she wasn't as troubled by his outburst as he had supposed. More than likely, it was bothering him more than her.  
  
"Ah, I'm sorry," she said, stifling her laughter. "It's rude of me to laugh when Hatsuharu-san is trying to apologize so seriously."  
  
"No, I don't mind," he said with a slight shake of his head. "But can I ask why?" he questioned curiously.  
  
"Because it's nothing much to apologize over." She smiled at him. "Kyou- kun and Yuki-kun are much, much worse." Then her eyes widened comically. "Oh! But please don't tell them I said that. I don't want to hurt their feelings."  
  
Unexpectedly, a chuckle of his own escaped from his throat as he felt himself relax to a degree he hadn't thought possible given the situation. It really was amazing, he marveled, how he felt more comfortable now that he'd gotten that off of his chest and told someone else. He knew it didn't solve everything, felt the pain that was still weighing on his heart, but it was better than it had been before, even if only a little. Grateful for the bit of relief, he turned to her.  
  
"Don't worry. I won't breathe a word of it to anyone." He gave her a warm smile. "Thank you. Thank you very much."  
  
"Eh?" She blinked. "I didn't do anything."  
  
"Yes," he nodded, "you did. You listened. And to me, that's a lot."  
  
Tohru blushed. "It's nothing really. I'm sure Hatsuharu-san would have done the same."  
  
Thinking of how Kyou and Yuki were still working up, in their roundabout way, to admitting their feelings to themselves and to her, Hatsuharu slid her a glance. "Well, I don't know how much help I'll be but, if you ever need to speak to anyone about your relationship problems, I can return the favor."  
  
"Me?" she laughed in delight. "That's impossible. To have a relationship, there needs to be someone to have it with." She shook her head. "There's no one interested in me like that."  
  
He stared. "You seriously think that?"  
  
"Of course." Her expression turned quizzical at the way he was staring at her. "Why wouldn't I?"  
  
He frowned. "Why do you think no one would be interested in you?"  
  
"Well, it's obvious, isn't it?"  
  
"Maybe you could explain it to me," he said blandly. "That is, if it's not too much trouble."  
  
"Of course not," she anxiously assured. But it was something she had to think about. She tapped her chin with a finger, wondering what to say. "Well, there are a lot of reasons, I think. I'm not very smart, for one thing. And I'm not very pretty either, not like most of the girls at school. Also, I'm very clumsy, terrible at sports, and always running into things, even when they're not moving. Then there's the way I tend to blow little problems out of proportion which probably bothers everyone but they're too nice to say anything about it." She sighed morosely. "The only things I'm good at are cleaning and cooking."  
  
She stiffened and flushed suddenly, casting a glance in his direction to find him gazing at her intently with an expression she couldn't define. She squirmed uncomfortably when she realized that, while she'd kept talking, she'd forgotten he was there! She hadn't meant to say things like that, as if she were complaining. After the emotional turmoil he'd just been through, he didn't need her burdening him with her own problems.  
  
"I'm sorry!" she exclaimed, embarrassed. "I shouldn't have said those things."  
  
"They were your true feelings, weren't they?" he asked mildly.  
  
"Well," her fingers fiddled with the hem of her skirt, "yes."  
  
"And do you think people should apologize when they tell the truth?"  
  
Tohru shook her head silently.  
  
"Then there's nothing you should apologize for, either."  
  
She gave him an embarrassed and shy smile.  
  
"But," he added, "you're wrong." His look was sure. "I'm positive that there are guys interested in you. I can think of two in particular."  
  
"Who?" she asked, curious.  
  
"Ah, well." Much as the odd love triangle needed a push, it wasn't his place to reveal who the participants of it were. "I can't say."  
  
"Is that so?" Her expression turned doubtful. "Excuse me for saying so, but I really think Hatsuharu must be mistaken about this." She smiled. "But it was a wonderful thing to say."  
  
"Hmmm."  
  
Looking at her, it was patently obvious to him that she was going to be stubborn about clinging to her own views on this particular subject. He stayed silent on the matter because, truthfully, he wasn't sure how to tell her that she had her own brand of appeal to the opposite sex, though it would probably take a lot of effort since, given the right circumstances he was sure, she could give him a run for his money in the stubbornness department. Besides, no matter what he said, she probably wouldn't believe him anyway. He, of all people, was familiar with how difficult low self- esteem was to get over since he still wasn't quite there himself. Still, he thought it could be solved if one of them, either Yuki or Kyou, would make their move and wondered why it was taking them so long to figure things out. They were being terribly slow about this and he was the one who, born under the sign of the cow, was supposed to be the inept one. Of course, considering how miserably his attempts at a relationship had failed, he didn't think he was exactly the right person to be casting stones at how others tried to run theirs. It was probably best left alone for now.  
  
But it was getting late and he knew that he'd monopolized her time enough. If she didn't get back to the house soon, she'd raise a lot of questions and that wasn't a something he wanted to put her through, not after how patiently she had listened to him when she had no reason to do so. It was best to send her on her way.  
  
"It's getting late," he told her. "And you probably need time to make dinner so you'd better go."  
  
"Yes," she said, noticing how the sky was starting to darken a little. "I should but," she looked at him, "what about Hatsuharu-san?"  
  
"What about me?"  
  
"Isn't Hatsuharu-san going to go home, too?"  
  
"Ah." He blinked. "I will. Eventually."  
  
Tohru frowned. "Why not come back the house with me? Have dinner with us?"  
  
"That's probably not a good idea." He shook his head.  
  
"Why?" Then, sure that he was worried about being an inconvenience, she rushed to assure him that, "I can just as easily make dinner for another person. It's no trouble, really."  
  
"No." He frowned. "It's not a good idea for me to be around him right now."  
  
"Who?" she asked, confused.  
  
He blinked. "I told you already."  
  
"Told me what?"  
  
She had no idea what he was talking about but she was getting a bad feeling and started to nervously fiddle with the hem of her skirt again. As for Hatsuharu, he grimaced as he replayed their conversation in his mind and realized that, no, he hadn't told her. He shot her a glance, a bit wary, wondering how she'd take the news. Though he found it hard to believe himself, he thought it best to just get it over with and tell her.  
  
"The one Rin's in love with," he said to her, "is Shigure-sensei." 


	3. Nighttime Surprises

AN: Well, I wasn't intending to finish this up until next month but, after reading other Haru-centric fics, I got inspired write and this is the result. Here's to Haru fans out there, Haruru fans in particular, and to everyone who's read and commented on this fic. Thanks a lot! (^^)  
  
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CHAPTER 3: Nighttime Surprises  
  
She still had a hard time believing it.  
  
A troubled frown drew her brows together as she stood in the kitchen, washing up the dirty dishes after dinner, a nerve-wracking affair on her part as she struggled to act as she usually did upon returning. Apparently she had somehow been successful at appearing normal as no one had commented on any strangeness concerning her behavior. But it had definitely been an effort for her to act normally since she had to resist the strong urge throughout dinner to stare at Shigure wide-eyed and wondering how all of it had escaped her attention until now.  
  
Shigure and Rin; it was definitely something she hadn't expected.  
  
Of course, she hadn't expected Hatsuharu and Rin either.  
  
She shook her head and sighed, wondering why it was all coming as such a surprise. After all, Rin with her voluptuous dark beauty was sure to be attractive to any male. There were probably other attractions to her as well although Tohru really didn't know much about her. The only things Tohru knew about Rin were that she was the horse and that she didn't seem to like her that much although the reasons for that, if there were any, remained a mystery to her. Rin had seemed hostile towards her on the occasions when they met but, Tohru imagined, if she was involved with Shigure then maybe that would explain it. Maybe Rin was the possessive and jealous type and didn't like the idea of another female living under the same roof as Shigure.  
  
The more she thought about it, the more she was amazed that she had never entertained the idea of the two of them together before. After all, Rin did seem to be coming over more frequently lately. Shigure, too, appeared to leave the house more often, probably to meet her for a rendezvous somewhere.  
  
Picturing them together, Tohru imagined that they did make a good match. She even sensed a similarity of personality between them though she wasn't exactly sure of what that likeness was. Although the idea of the two of them together seemed to fit better in her mind the more she pondered it, and though she did wish the best for any couple who shared loving feelings, she couldn't keep herself from becoming upset at the way their relationship had left Hatsuharu.  
  
He was probably still out there.  
  
She didn't know why she thought that but Hatsuharu had never said when he'd leave, and though there was no concrete reason for her to believe he was still there after these past hours, there also wasn't one that reassured her that he had left. She should have made him promise to go home but she'd been distracted with the information he'd told her and hadn't remembered about it until she'd stepped inside the house, too late to go back without attracting attention which Hatsuharu said he didn't want.  
  
Her gaze sidled to the left, falling on the bento box she'd made while preparing dinner. She hadn't been able to help herself; worried that Hatsuharu might be out there for however long without any food, she had made up the bento with the intentions of taking it out to him later when she was able to leave the house without stirring up any suspicion. Even though she wasn't positive whether or not he was out there, she felt that it wouldn't hurt to be prepared just in case he was still in that spot and suffering from hunger pangs. Though she felt guilty with all this subterfuge, planning to sneak out of the house without anyone's knowledge, concern for the depressed Hatsuharu that she'd last seen overrode anything else. She just couldn't leave him out there like that no matter what he said about wanting to be left alone and her brow drew down in a determined V as her mouth tightened into a stubborn line.  
  
Whether Hatsuharu liked it or not, she wasn't going to leave him alone.  
  
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He shivered a little as he sat there as he had been for the past hours. The temperature had turned cooler when the last of the sun's rays had disappeared on the horizon but still he didn't move, staring blankly at his surroundings while the nocturnal creatures of the woods woke and began moving about.  
  
He should leave. Some part of him knew that but working up the energy to follow through with it was something else. Besides, it wasn't as if anyone would care or even notice he was gone anyway. Not even his parents who had hardly ever said a word during the times when he'd gotten lost before, wandering aimlessly away for several days on some occasions until he finally made it back to the place that should have been called home. But home brought images of a warm and happy place and he didn't think that his could be placed under that particular label.  
  
Probably, he thought, he could be gone for a year or even longer and they still wouldn't say anything, give any sign that they were worried about him.  
  
"Hatsuharu-san?"  
  
He turned his head at the anxious inquiry, blinking in surprise when he caught sight of her, flashlight in hand and clutching a bundle close to her chest. When the beam from the flashlight passed over his face, he winced, squinting against the glare as she hurriedly flicked the light off, leaving them illuminated only by the glow of the spring moon.  
  
"I'm sorry!" she exclaimed breathlessly as she knelt down beside him. "I was just glad to find Hatsuharu-san." She frowned. "Well, not happy, really because I don't think it's good to still be here in the dark." Her eyes widened. "Oh! But I don't mean to say that there's anything wrong with being in the woods at night if someone wants to do it because that would be rude since there are some people that may like it. And since people do go camping and such then I think that-"  
  
"Honda-san," Hatsuharu interrupted her babbling. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry," she apologized again. "I was running off at the mouth again when that wasn't what I intended at all."  
  
"Then what did you intend?" he asked mildly, wondering what she was doing here.  
  
"Well," she bit her lip anxiously, "maybe I should mind my own business but I couldn't help being worried."  
  
"Worried?" His tone was as blank as his expression. "About me?"  
  
"Yes, of course," she said as if there were no other answer. "I thought Hatsuharu-san might still be out here and I had to come and check to make sure one way or the other."  
  
"You shouldn't have." He shook his head. "It's dangerous being in the woods alone at night."  
  
She gave him a reproving look. "Hatsuharu-san's here."  
  
"That's different." He resisted the urge to squirm at her expression. "It's more dangerous for a female alone than a male."  
  
"Maybe, but not by much." Her mouth set in a stubborn line. "I've heard stories about gangs. One person against a larger number of people like that, I don't think gender would matter much."  
  
"A gang that roams through woods?" Hatsuharu was amused.  
  
Tohru blushed. "It could happen."  
  
"Wouldn't they usually stick to areas where they're more likely to find potential victims?"  
  
She glanced around, taking in their surroundings that, from the lively sounds of it that reached her ears, were certainly populated with life. But aside from the two of them, none of it was human, which was usually the case in sparsely populated areas. Realizing how much weak her reasoning had become, she looked back at him, expression bordering on sheepish embarrassment.  
  
"Well," she said weakly, still trying, "what about bandits?"  
  
Hatsuharu chuckled. "Maybe a hundred years ago."  
  
Tohru sighed, giving that particular argument up. "But it's still dangerous," she insisted stubbornly. "What if an accident happened around here? No one would be able to hear any cries for help and come to the rescue."  
  
"Perhaps," he conceded when he realized she wasn't going to let the matter drop. "But the same goes for you too, doesn't it?"  
  
"But I wouldn't be out here wandering around in the dark and hoping I didn't get lost if I wasn't searching for Hatsuharu-san," she reasoned logically. "So if I didn't have to look around because I was worried, then I wouldn't be in any danger, right?"  
  
It took him a moment but, when the realization hit, his eyes widened as he stared at her in surprise and no small amount of disbelief. "Are you trying to guilt-trip me?"  
  
Tohru blushed, squirmed a bit and, finally, cast him an uncertain glance. "Did it work?"  
  
Hatsuharu couldn't help it - he laughed.  
  
And Tohru, watching him, enjoyed the sound. It was much more full-bodied and pleasant than his previous chuckles and the bitter laugh he'd given when discussing his break-up with Rin and it occurred to her in that moment that she had never really heard him truly laugh before. Not like this. Sure, she'd seem him smile, chuckle softly, and even snicker in a depreciating manner when he was in Black mode, but she'd never heard a regular amused laugh from him until now. It made her heart ache to think that, as with some of the other more withdrawn Jyunnishi, past events had shaped things in such a way that made regular laughter harder to come by for Hatsuharu. True laughter seemed to be held back, no matter how happy the occasion was, as if there were something else weighing on him, whether he was aware of it or not, and kept the more carefree emotions locked away in a place that was hard to reach.  
  
Tohru briefly pondered why it was that she was hearing such a wonderful sound from him now of all times, especially after all he'd been put through recently. Although she couldn't help but smile faintly at his laughter, puzzling though it was with its unusual timing, she didn't reflect long on it as he subsided because there was something she wanted to say to him.  
  
"I apologize," she told him quietly. "It's not a tactic I usually use because I don't want anyone to feel like that about me. But what I like even less is idea of Hatsuharu-san staying out here alone."  
  
"Sorry," Hatsuharu said soberly. "I don't mean to make you concerned about me."  
  
"I know." She tilted her head. "But I can't help being concerned anyway."  
  
"That's because you're too kind."  
  
"Maybe, maybe not." She shook her head slightly. "That doesn't really matter because, either way, it doesn't change the fact that I'm still worried."  
  
"Sorry," he offered again, at a loss for what else to say.  
  
Tohru waved his apology away. "That's not the important thing."  
  
Hatsuharu arched a brow. Her worrying wasn't important? Funny, but he couldn't really see it that way though he said nothing about the issue out loud as she continued to speak.  
  
"I can see why it would be difficult going to Shigure-san's house," she told him. "I understand that but staying here in the woods, especially at night, isn't something that I can accept without saying anything." Her features settled into troubled lines. "And what about going home? I'm sure Hatsuharu-san's parents must be very worried."  
  
Hatsuharu gave a short laugh. It wasn't a happy sound.  
  
"What is it?" Tohru asked, uneasily.  
  
"Trust me." His mouth curved downwards. "They won't be worried. They won't even notice that I'm gone."  
  
Tohru frowned.  
  
"Please, don't look like that," he said, bothered by her expression. "It's just the way things are. Among the Jyunnishi, having a child-parent relationship as good as yours was is a very rare thing. It's not your fault and it can't be helped so, please, don't concern yourself over it so much."  
  
Her expression didn't change.  
  
Hatsuharu suppressed a sigh, feeling a bit strange at having the tables suddenly so reversed with him having to comfort her instead of the other way around. And he wasn't sure what to say about it since the situation with his parents wasn't going to change in the foreseeable future and he knew that if he continued on with the subject that it was only going to bother her more which would be completely useless since it had nothing to do with her anyway. Since he felt that talking anymore on the issue couldn't possible go anywhere good, he did the only thing he saw left as an option.  
  
He changed the subject.  
  
"Honda-san." He looked at her blandly. "What do you have in your arms?"  
  
Her gaze dropped down, rounding in wide-eyed astonishment as they fell upon the bundle in her arms that she had forgotten that she was still clutching! She flushed in embarrassment, feeling stupid for forgetting one of the reasons she'd come out here looking for him in the first place.  
  
"Ah!" she cried, distressed. "I'm so silly, forgetting about all of this." She sighed. "I'm sorry."  
  
"No problem," he commented mildly. "But what is it?"  
  
"Well, I thought that being out here for such a long time might work up an appetite." She laid the bundle on the ground. "So I made a bento. I hope that's okay."  
  
Hatsuharu's stomach growled in response. Loudly.  
  
Tohru ducked her head, suppressing the giggle that threatened to burst out at the vaguely embarrassed expression that settled itself on his face despite his efforts to keep up a cool front. Still, she couldn't help smiling as she unwrapped the bundle, unwinding the material of the thin blanket that she'd folded around the items she had prepared.  
  
"You went through a lot of trouble," he commented as he gazed upon the items revealed.  
  
"Not really," she said. "I just did what I usually do except I added a little more when I was cooking so there was some extra for the bento. It's not much, really."  
  
"It's plenty," he said, accepting the bento box she handed him along with a pair of chopsticks. "Thank you."  
  
"You're welcome." She smiled at him brightly.  
  
As he began to eat, she shifted around so that she was in the position she'd been in earlier in the afternoon with her back leaning against the tree instead of sitting directly opposite him. But when she caught him shivering while he ate, she moved, placing the thermos of tea that had been wrapped with the bento box off to the side as she rose up enough to settle the blanket across his shoulders. And her eyes twinkled in warm amusement at his startled expression as he paused in his eating to glance at her.  
  
"I noticed how cool it was getting," Tohru explained to his questioning gaze. "I didn't want to chance Hatsuharu-san getting sick."  
  
"What about you?" His eyes flicked over her in concern. She was wearing the same outfit he'd seen her in earlier which had been selected for springtime warmth, not coolness. "You could get sick too being out here like that."  
  
"Oh, no," she told him reassuringly, not wanting him to worry. "I'm fine. I'm really healthy so I don't think that I'll- I'll - a-choo!"  
  
Hatsuharu shook his head before lifting up a corner of the blanket. "Get under here."  
  
"Eh?" Her eyes widened. "Oh, but I couldn't!"  
  
"You'll catch a cold like that." He looked at her with a mild expression. "But if you go back to the house-"  
  
"No, I can't leave Hatsuharu-san alone out here!"  
  
He tilted his head, knowing she would say that. "Then either get in here or go back."  
  
"But what about the transformation?" she asked worriedly.  
  
"It'll be okay. Leaning against each other is fine. Just be careful, that's all."  
  
Still, she hesitated, looking uncertain.  
  
"I see," he said blandly. "My presence is so terrible that you don't want to get that close to me, huh?"  
  
"That's not it at all!" she protested.  
  
"Then hurry and get under here." His tone was indifferent. "All the heat is escaping and I'm starting to get cold again."  
  
She scooted under the blanket until their sides were pressed against each other.  
  
"There. That's not so bad, is it?"  
  
The look she gave him was one of embarrassment and bewildered surprise, as if she wasn't quite sure how she'd suddenly found herself sharing the blanket with him in the first place. It was amusing but he refrained from chuckling as he took note of the way her body trembled against his in little shivers. As she clutched her side of the blanket closer, he set aside his bento box and poured a cup of tea, still steaming with warmth kept in by the thermos.  
  
"Here." He handed her the cup. "Drink. It'll warm you up."  
  
"Oh, but I made the tea for Hatsuharu-san," she protested.  
  
"I don't mind."  
  
"But," she said in distress, "there's only one cup."  
  
"Again, I don't mind. Sharing it is fine with me," another bland look, "unless there's some communicable disease you're carrying that you want to tell me about?"  
  
Tohru gave a little giggle. "No."  
  
"Then drink up. You made more than enough tea for the both of us. And" he said when her expression still seemed protesting, "if drinking that keeps you warm and from catching cold, or worse, it'll make me feel better. Less guilty."  
  
She finally acquiesced, as he had known she would when faced with being responsible for burdening someone else's emotions.  
  
They continued to sit like that in companionable silence as he resumed eating, satisfying his hunger while the light of the moon shone down upon them with it's gentle illumination. But when the weight on his shoulder suddenly became heavier, he turned his head in inquiry only to find his nose buried in strawberry scented hair.  
  
She'd fallen asleep!  
  
He opened his mouth to say something, to wake her, but then he stopped. He knew he needed to wake her and send her back to Shigure's but, just for a little while, he wanted to stay like this, with someone's comforting presence. It was selfish, he knew, but there was a small part of him that was a little greedy for the care and affection she bestowed so easily on others, Yuki and Kyou in particular. And he knew that she would have to go back, but for now, he didn't want to relinquish her just yet. She had done a lot, more that she realized, towards making him feel better about this situation and himself when he hadn't thought it possible this soon, if ever. He was more grateful than he could ever express and wished he knew of some way to repay her for everything she'd done for him.  
  
As he looked at her with her head pillowed peacefully on his shoulder, her breathing rasping gently in and out from parted lips, and moonlight bathing her face with a luminescent glow, for a moment he forgot everything else and merely thought that she was a lovely sight. And as she slept on unawares, he tilted his head downwards and brushed a light kiss across her forehead, the strands of her bangs tickling his lips in a silky caress.  
  
"Thank you," he whispered quietly. 


	4. Awkward Entrances

AN: Poor Haru. I think I'm torturing him too much. Well, at least this one's less angsty than the previous chapters since Haru decided he needed a wee little break although I doubt he sees this as much of an improvement. *laughs evilly* But what's bad for him is fun for everyone else, right?  
  
This chapter came out to be longer than I thought it would be which, I suppose, is typical for me. But I did have to cut it short since the rest of what I had planned for this chapter will be going into the next one. So just wait for it and enjoy what's here in the meantime, okay? (^_~)  
  
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CHAPTER 4: Awkward Entrances  
  
"Honda-san, wake up."  
  
She blinked drowsily at the intrusion into her slumber, wondering groggily why Yuki's voice sounded so much like Hatsuharu's. Then her eyes flew open wide when they registered white hair and she jerked back with a startled gasp, nearly toppling over in her sudden hasty motion. When she steadied herself, she looked back to see a hint of humor peeking through that blank expression of his and she flushed with embarrassment.  
  
"I didn't mean to fall asleep," she said, mortified.  
  
"You must have been tired," he commented. "But it's late so you really should be getting back."  
  
"Yes, I should," she sighed as she rose, stiff muscles protesting the motion. But she glanced at him in concern. "But what about Hatsuharu- san?"  
  
"I'll be fine."  
  
"You'll go home, right?"  
  
He rubbed the back of his neck, as if working out a crick, but didn't answer.  
  
"Hatsuharu-san?"  
  
"You should just head back. Really, you don't have to worry about me. I'll be fine."  
  
"No." She shook her head. "Don't even think about staying here all night. It's not safe. Unless Hatsuharu-san promises to go home, I'm not leaving."  
  
"Don't be silly." He looked in consternation at the determined expression he was met with. "You can't stay out here."  
  
"Neither should Hatsuharu-san," she said firmly. "Go home."  
  
He thought of that place, one of isolation and devoid of warmth, and frowned.  
  
Noticing it, Tohru grew more concerned. "Hatsuharu-san? Is it really someplace to be avoided that badly?"  
  
He blinked. He hadn't realized he'd done anything to indicate his feelings so blatantly.  
  
"I see," she murmured. She tapped her chin thoughtfully as an idea came to her mind. "If Hatsuharu-san really doesn't want to go home, and since I can't just leave anyone out here alone, there's only one thing left to do."  
  
He regarded her warily, wondering what it was she had in mind.  
  
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He couldn't believe he was doing this.  
  
Despite his reputation as a delinquent in some circles, which was usually greatly exaggerated, he felt he was a rather boring and retiring figure and not given to madcap adventures - certainly, he'd never really attempted something like this. Feeling oddly nervous, he could only think that if he were caught, the rumors about him would gain a more solid foothold in fact. After all, to his recollection, being caught sneaking into a girl's bedroom at night had never done a speck of good for any man's reputation. And here he was, attempting that very thing which could spell doom for him if he were caught, that could lead to him being branded a stalker, a peeping tom, a pervert, or worse, though he couldn't really think of anything worse.  
  
He had to be insane.  
  
"Hatsuharu-san?"  
  
He froze, for a moment thinking he was hearing voices and fearing that the men in white coats would be appearing at any second to haul him away in a straightjacket. But, no, it was only Tohru who was looking at him with such wariness that he wondered just what sort of expression it was that she could see on his face.  
  
And to think, he used to believe that he had such an unreadable poker face.  
  
"I'm sorry," she said, voice pitched low so as not to alert anyone else to their presence. "If I had known Hatsuharu-san would dislike the idea so much, I'd never have suggested it."  
  
"I don't mind," he responded quickly, guilty that she obviously felt so remorseful when it was him who was causing problems with his qualms against going home. "Really, I'm fine with it."  
  
"Well, then." Though she still appeared doubtful, she let it go. "You know where my room is, right?"  
  
Hatsuharu nodded.  
  
"Then please go on up. I have to put these away," she referred to the bento box and thermos clutched in her arms. "My door's not locked so feel free to just go in."  
  
He nodded again, watching for a moment as, with a brief smile, she turned and headed in the direction of the kitchen.  
  
Clutching the blanket, he unconsciously wrung it in his hands, an indication of his attack of nerves as he was faced with ascending the darkened staircase he needed to traverse in order to reach the upper levels of the house. It was a familiar path and one he usually undertook with ease and quickness. But that was when he was friend who entered these halls as a guest, usually intent on visiting Yuki, who intended for his presence to be noticed.  
  
Now he was a friend trying to sneak in unnoticed.  
  
It was definitely a different atmosphere altogether, filled with a sense of secrecy and urgency he was unaccustomed to as he made his way up the flight of stairs. He went to the task, moving as slowly as could so as not to cause the wooden boards to creak any more that necessary. Despite his misgivings about this adventure, he felt that, having come this far, it would be cowardly to turn back now. But, even so, he had no desire to do any more than was required so as not to give away his presence to the other occupants of the house.  
  
He froze at a particularly loud creaking that seemed to resound unnaturally in the silence. Muscles tense, he waited for any tell tale sign that his misguided step would give him away as an intruder.  
  
There was nothing.  
  
He swallowed around a throat gone dry and wondered how he had gotten himself in this mess in the first place. But the answer was obvious.  
  
Honda Tohru.  
  
Angel or devil?  
  
At the moment, with unusual anxiety causing his stomach to somersault in flips that he didn't think was particularly healthy, he was hard pressed to decide. On one hand, only an angel would make the suggestion to sequester a boy in her room for the night with such innocence as she had laid the idea out before him in her desire to find some way to resolve the situation in a manner that might satisfy the both of them. However, he also felt that there had to be some sort of devil at work that had somehow gotten him to agree with the plan against all his protests, which were very well founded on the knowledge that emotionally damaged teenaged boys with bad reputations shouldn't be sneaking into innocent girls' rooms. His common sense told him it was a sound piece of advice that he should listen to and abandon this course of action which had all the makings of potential disaster.  
  
And yet, he found himself doing it anyway.  
  
Mystery.  
  
"Damn it!"  
  
He froze at the curse, recognizing Kyou's voice as soft footsteps came closer. He tried to shrink back into the darkness of the stairwell as much as he could without moving, knowing a false step might send the wooden boards creaking and give away his presence. He heard Kyou's grumblings, no doubt something about Yuki, becoming louder, signaling that he was getting closer while Hatsuharu's heart thudded wildly in his chest as he prayed like he never had before that he wouldn't be noticed. As dread welled within him, wondering how he would explain this if he were caught, the footsteps approached closer.  
  
What should he do? Stay frozen and hope he wasn't noticed?  
  
Closer.  
  
Or retreat in the opposite direction, fleeing back down the stairs he had crept up with such pain?  
  
Closer.  
  
Or would it be better to reveal himself and try to make up some excuse for why he was here this late at night?  
  
Closer.  
  
Stay, run, or reveal - which would it be?  
  
Bang!  
  
He jerked and then sagging in relief as his breath whooshed out in low rush when he recognized the sound of a slamming door. From the proximity of the sound, he guessed that Kyou had gone to use the bathroom in the upper level. But he couldn't relax just yet for he didn't think Kyou would be in there for long and Hatsuharu didn't trust his luck enough to imagine that he'd remain undetected if he kept to his position.  
  
He gave up his position of hugging the stairwell wall as he moved faster than he could ever recall moving in his life, streaking up the remaining steps and down the hall as quickly and quietly as he could manage as his pulse threatened to race out of control. He stopped before a door and hesitated, last minute doubts riding him as he wondered anew if he should really be doing this.  
  
But the sound of a door down the hall decided it for him.  
  
He rushed into the room with lightning quick haste, swinging it closed hurriedly behind him, stopping it just before it slammed shut, pushing it until it sealed with a quiet click.  
  
And not a moment too soon as footsteps padded past the door.  
  
When they were gone, Hatsuharu let out a ragged sigh as he leaned heavily against the closed door, willing his racing heartbeat to calm and his tense muscles to relax. It was easier said than done and all he could say upon the matter was that he was glad the odd coloring of his hair would conceal any new white ones that might have resulted from this particular adventure.  
  
As the intense fear of being caught and being branded with the label of 'pervert' for the rest of his days had passed, he allowed himself to step further into the darkened room, investigating his temporary premises for the night. He had to admit that there was a bit of curiosity about the room.  
  
After all, this was the first time he'd ever been in it.  
  
Well, that was a lie. He had been in the room long ago when it was still moldy and musty, before she had ever entered their lives. But the mold and must was gone, chased away by whatever domestic magic it was that Tohru possessed to turn it clean and fresh smelling, the faint scent of strawberries lingering in the air. It was interesting to take the chance to see what Tohru had done with the room in her brief residence here. He knew the others had all been in here at one point or another, but never him. Now that he was included in the ranks among the others, perhaps he should have felt more comfortable.  
  
But he didn't.  
  
There was a different connotation with the situation when he was here in secret without anyone else's knowledge but his own and the one to whom the room belonged. It was like some sort of setting for a lovers' rendezvous or clandestine tryst, which was the farthest thing from the truth but, nevertheless, left him feeling distinctly uncomfortable and more like a bumbling cow than he'd ever felt before.  
  
"Hatsuharu-san?"  
  
At the voice and the sudden flood of light in the room, he whirled with a startled jerk to find himself staring into a face that reflected a surprise that he was sure had to be on level with his own at the moment as his heartbeat resumed its previous rapid tattoo that he'd thought was left behind. He'd never even heard her come in!  
  
"I'm sorry!" she said anxiously, hand still frozen on the light switch. She'd never seen Hatsuharu so jumpy before. "Maybe I should have knocked first?"  
  
"No," he replied more calmly. "It would seem strange if you were caught knocking on your own door." He tried to give her a reassuring look. "Don't worry. It's only a small case of nerves. I've never tried sneaking into this place before. Usually I just walk right in."  
  
"Ah." Her expression was one of sympathetic understanding. Then, as an awkward silence fell between them, it changed to nervousness. "Um, it's getting late so we should get to sleep."  
  
"Yeah." He glanced away from her. "We should."  
  
"Um," her fingers clasped fretfully together, "does Hatsuharu-san need to use the restroom?" She blushed. "Before, um, sleeping?"  
  
He grimaced. After the tea he had drunk earlier, that would probably be a good idea. However, the question was how to go about it. After his recent experience, he had a feeling that anything else would be pushing his luck. Then again, Kyou had only just left the bathroom facilities and retreated back to his own room so it was unlikely that he'd emerge again for the night. It was doubtful that Shigure would find his way up here since his room was in the lower level. That only left Yuki.  
  
Risk or bladder?  
  
He decided to risk it. With the chances of being discovered lowered, his bladder was demanding more attention.  
  
It wasn't that bad. After a quick check up and down the hallway to make sure there was no one else coming, Hatsuharu had gotten to the bathroom and out without further incident. Once that business was taken care of, he'd found himself relaxing a bit more as the danger of the situation seemed to dissipate. However, it didn't mean the rest of the night would be without problem as the frown on Tohru's face appeared to indicate upon his return to the room.  
  
"What's wrong?" he asked.  
  
"Nothing, exactly. But," she hesitated, "what are you going to wear?"  
  
His mind slipped into blankness once again. "Wear?"  
  
"To sleep."  
  
"Ah." He understood now. Although leather wasn't the most comfortable material to sleep in, it was doable for one night. "I'm fine like this."  
  
But Tohru was shaking her head. "Oh, no. I'm sure it would be difficult to sleep in that." A troubled frown creased her brow. "I wonder if I can find something suitable to wear." She eyed him and her frown deepened.  
  
"What?" Hatsuharu asked, a bit concerned.  
  
"Well, I was thinking about trying to find something of mine for Hatsuharu- san to wear." She sighed dejectedly. "But I don't think any of my clothes will fit you."  
  
Hatsuharu had a sudden horrible image of him in something frilly and pink and he shuddered at the cold chills that broke across his flesh. There were some things that just shouldn't be imagined and he'd just found another one to put on his list of things not to do. As daring as he could push himself to be at times, that was one challenge he had no desire to take up. He gave Tohru a bland smile and sent up a silent prayer thanking God for small favors.  
  
"That's alright," he told her. "Really."  
  
"No," she said, voice rife with determination. "I have to find something." A smile suddenly lit her face. "Oh, I know!"  
  
He watched, bemused, as she quickly rushed out of the room with an odd air of excitement. He wondered what bright idea had decided to visit her and hoped that whatever it was, it had nothing to do with pink frills. It wasn't long before she came back, flushed with a type of victory as she closed the door behind her and revealed her prize.  
  
"Here." Tohru held out her bundle. "It's one of Shigure-san's yukata. Don't worry; it's clean. I did laundry recently but haven't put the clothes back in everyone's room." She frowned a little anxiously. "I hope Hatsuharu-san doesn't dislike it too much; I wasn't sure since I don't think I've ever seen you wear one. And I wasn't sure what you liked to sleep in so I thought the yukata would be good since it's looser in case you didn't like too confining clothes. I would have gotten something of Yuki or Kyou's but since I think their builds are leaner I thought that their clothes might have been tighter on you. Although Kyou's probably closer to your size but if you really don't like this then I can go back and get something-"  
  
"It's okay," he interrupted her nervous babbling. "Really."  
  
"Good," she said, relieved. She gave him a shy smile. "Then I should give you some privacy to get changed. And me too," she said with a little laugh. She moved past him to pick up the pajamas she'd laid out on her bed while he'd been in the bathroom. Then she retraced her steps back to the door with I quiet, "I'll be back."  
  
When she was gone, he didn't waste his opportunity since he had no idea how long she'd be gone and wanted to spare them both the awkward embarrassment that would no doubt arise if she walked back in while he was in still in the middle of undressing. He made quick work of shedding his clothes, folding them into a neat pile as tribute to her own obvious penchant for orderliness, and shrugging into the yukata she'd handed him. It was definitely more comfortable than sleeping in his clothes would be.  
  
While she was still absent, he took the time to lay the blanket he'd brought in with him on the floor, creating a makeshift pallet for himself. A futon would have been more comfortable but those were stored down the hall and it would raise too many questions if Tohru, and it would have to be her since he couldn't risk anymore wandering around the house on his own this night, was caught carrying one back to her room where everyone knew she had a perfectly good bed to sleep on. Besides, it wasn't that bad since it was better than being outdoors where the cool night air would either keep him awake or get him sick, or both.  
  
"Oh," Tohru said in distress when she caught him preparing his sleeping area. "I can't let Hatsuharu-san take the floor. Not without a futon. I would have gotten one but," she looked at him regretfully, "I didn't want to risk having to explain it if I was caught bringing it to my room." She shook her head. "But, with just a blanket, it's wrong to let a guest take the more uncomfortable sleeping arrangement."  
  
"Well, I don't think guests usually sneak in," he told her blandly. "So you're safe there."  
  
"But I invited you," she reminded him. "So you are a guest."  
  
"Listen, I'm putting you through enough trouble as it is."  
  
"Oh, but it's no trouble. I wouldn't have issued an invitation if it was."  
  
He highly doubted that. "Even so, I should take the floor. I don't mind."  
  
"No, I can't let Hatsuharu-san do that. I'll take the floor."  
  
"No."  
  
"Why not?" A stubborn expression crossed her features. "It's my room and you're the guest. I should take the floor."  
  
"I can't let you do that. Boys don't let girls sleep on floors when theirs a bed available. Or at least they shouldn't, anyway."  
  
"But I won't let Hatsuharu-san sleep on the floor."  
  
"And I won't let you either."  
  
It was a stalemate as the two parties involved stared at each other with equal degrees of stubbornness, each sure of their own stand on the matter at hand and unwilling to back down to the other. However, all things come to an end eventually and this was no different as, suddenly, she subsided with a sweet smile as a new idea came to her.  
  
"Then why don't we share the bed?" Tohru asked innocently. 


End file.
